Dear Sexpert,
Can you tell me more about the different types of emergency contraceptives that are out there? I know about the morning-after pill (Plan B), but I’ve heard that there are a few others. Also, where can I get emergency contraceptives on campus (if needed)?
–Curious about Contraceptives
Continue reading Curious: What are my options for emergency contraceptives?
Dear Sexpert,
I’ve been hooking up with the same girl for a while, and we talked about it and decided that we were ready to have sex. The only thing is, we’re both virgins, so we really have no idea what we’re doing or what to expect. On the plus side though, since she’s already on birth control, we won’t have to use a condom, which I’ve heard can make sex less pleasurable. Any tips?
Thanks,
First-time-for-everything
Dear First,
It’s great that you two had an open and honest discussion about your sexual wants and needs. In terms of advice, I would tell you to keep up the good communication! It’s important for both partners to be clear about their desires. In terms of actual “sex tips,” a lot of websites offer straightforward advice that might be more helpful than what you find in popular magazines – some places to start might be Planned Parenthood’s site, “Understanding Sexual Pleasure,” or the FAQ section on sexetc.org. Ultimately, what’s most important is what feels good to you and your partner!
After studying up, you might still want to head to McCosh Health Center to pick up free condoms. Even though your partner is taking an oral contraceptive, which helps to prevent pregnancy, there is still a risk of transmitting sexually transmitted infections (STIs). Here’s why: being a “virgin” can mean very different things to different people. For some, it might just mean no penetrative sex, while for others it might mean nothing more than kissing. And even if it only means kissing to both of you, there is still a risk of transmitting infections, like herpes. Furthermore, some people may identify as being a virgin if they are currently abstinent, but have had sexual intercourse previously. For peace of mind, I would recommend that you both make appointments to get STI testing at the Sexual Health and Wellness clinic at McCosh. It’s cheap and convenient: HIV testing is free, and it’s only $9.50 for a test for gonorrhea and chlamydia – and you can easily schedule the appointment online. Until you and your partner get and share your results, it is safest to use a condom.
For some, using a condom can dull physical pleasure or may lower sexual excitement. However, condoms come many sizes and varieties, including flavored, ribbed, extra lubricated, etc. and some exploration may help find one that provides the most pleasure for both you and your partner. Using condoms during sexplay can also prevent the lowering of excitement by stopping activities to put on a condom.
Once you’re sure that you’re not at risk for STIs, then you can reconsider whether condoms and the pill, oral contraceptives alone, or another form might be the best protective method for the two of you. The staff at SHAW would be happy to discuss your options, and they also provide a wide range of contraceptive products, either free or at a reduced cost.
Be safe and enjoy yourselves!
–The Sexpert
Dear Sexpert,
I just got out of a long-term relationship with a guy and I am looking to experiment with girls. I don’t think I am a lesbian, but I think college is as good a time as any to broaden my horizons. My boyfriend and I used a condom in the beginning, but once we got serious and I went on the pill, we stopped using one, because both of us had been tested and we’re both clean. Since I plan on only engaging in sexual activity with other girls, I don’t need to worry about protection right? I mean, I’m obviously not going to get pregnant, and my friend told me girls can’t catch anything from each other.
–Ready to Try Something New
Dear Ready,
That is great that you got tested previously—knowing your STI status is always a good thing, especially when engaging with a new partner. While you are right that you do not have risk of pregnancy with other women, there is still risk for contracting sexually transmitted infections. However, your level of risk varies depending upon what kind of activities you and your partner engage in.
Low risk activities include french kissing, massages, frotting, mutual masturbation, fingering (insertion of fingers into the vaginal canal) and performing oral sex on another woman through a protective barrier, like a dental dam.
Moderate and higher risk activities then include oral sex or rimming without a dental dam, fisting, and sharing dildos or other toys without thoroughly disinfecting between uses.
Fortunately, both UHS and the LGBT Center have a number of different protection implements available. Condoms are the most common method of protection, and they are available at McCosh for free. You may not think you need to use a condom if you are not engaging in sexual activities with a man, but you can use them on sex toys such as dildos to prevent the transmission of STIs and other infections. Latex condoms are most effective for the prevention of STIs, but if you or your partner has an allergy, polyurethane condoms are also available.
The Reality Condom, or internal condom, is available at the LGBT Center. Made of polyurethane, it can be inserted several hours before use. This can protect you and your partner from STI-transmission during fingering, fisting, and similar activities.
Latex gloves and finger cots are a good form of protection for activities where your fingers or hands come into contact with your partner’s bodily fluids, and vice versa. Cuts, lesions, and any other breaking of the skin can that comes into contact with your partner’s bodily fluids puts you at risk for infection.
For both vaginal-oral sex and anal-oral sex, the best form of protection is the dental dam. Dental dams are available at both McCosh and the LGBT Center. In a pinch you can use non-microwavable Saran Wrap (check the label), for protection during these activities, but latex or polyurethane dams provide the best protection.
While abstinence is the only way to ensure protection against STIs and pregnancy, the barrier methods I just mentioned are the best forms of protection available. So have fun trying them out and finding what works best for you and your partner.
~The Sexpert