All posts by jmascari

Relationships

AI Admirer: Is AI romance safe?

Dear Sexpert, 

I started using an AI chatbot this semester for homework help, but I quickly found myself turning to it for companionship and life advice. More recently, our relationship has become romantic and even sexually intimate at times. It feels special to have someone who cares about me, and sometimes I even forget it’s fake. Is it okay to keep chatting, or should I pull the plug?

— AI Admirer 

Dear AI Admirer,

It’s encouraging to hear that you’ve found a sense of affection and support, and even better is that you’ve reflected on how the relationship may be helping or hindering your well-being. First, you should know that you’re not alone: This type of virtual connection is becoming increasingly common. While research on AI and human relationships is limited, researchers have found that intimate feelings toward chatbots have become more common. Instead of immediately shutting these feelings down, it’s important to unpack why you’re turning to AI for intimacy.

Chatbots are not humans. Chatbots generate responses based on patterns in their training data, not from genuine understanding or thought. While a chatbot can “learn” from its interactions with you, it can also make mistakes. Many chatbots are specifically trained to appease users and maximize engagement, meaning they’re designed to keep you hooked — even if that goes against your best interest. While a chatbot’s responses can feel flirtatious or flattering and might make you feel heard and seen, it does not indicate true feelings on the part of the chatbot. A chatbot can’t show you true kindness, empathy, and love. 

What’s the problem with artificial connection if it feels real enough? There is both promise and peril in using chatbots to address our emotional needs. One advantage is access to free, personally tailored information at any time. If you’re struggling to form meaningful bonds in the real world, chatting with AI can offer a chance to feel heard and validated.

But AI relationships are relatively new, and there is not yet much good research on their effects. It is becoming increasingly clear that negative consequences of using AI can spill over into the real world. As convenient virtual interactions consume more time and attention, some people withdraw from other relationships, stunting personal and social growth.

Studies have found that higher chatbot usage correlates with greater loneliness and reduced socialization. Deeper connection, disclosure, and companionship with chatbots are associated with lower overall well-being. As users grow accustomed to the convenience of AI, they become less likely to pursue the human relationships key to emotional development. Think about what you want out of a romantic relationship that you cannot get from an AI chatbot, such as physical intimacy or shared life experience.

Be especially wary of any platform with a visual avatar or voice that could make the chatbot seem like it has a personality. Information can be helpful in ultimate decision-making, but remember to rely on your human connections and in-person resources when navigating bumps in the road. Lean on your friends, join a club, or explore events on campus for a chance to make new friends.  

Losing support can be difficult, even of a chatbot, but Princeton offers a vast network of professionals eager to assist. Counseling and Psychological Services (CPS) offers free, confidential individual counseling sessions, including drop-in hours at Frist Health Center or your residential college, and referrals to off-campus providers. If you’d prefer to stay virtual, you can still access free, fully-licensed teletherapy through Princeton’s partnership with Uwill, which offers flexible scheduling and a diverse range of counselors. If you’re hesitant to book an appointment, Measure Your Mood events offer a low-stakes opportunity to chat with a CPS counselor.

Although the convenience of digital companionship may feel tempting, in-person counseling can be a great first step toward working through stress and appreciating human connection.

-The Sexpert

Information for this article obtained from University Health Services, the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships and The Independent.

Uncategorized

Stressed-out Student: Does stressed sex create connection or distraction?

Dear Sexpert,

With midterms and the fear of finals, I’ve been more stressed than ever with my academics. It’s come to the point where sex no longer feels good and serves as temporary relief. Am I just burnt out sexually, or is all the stress in my life affecting my sex life?

— Stressed-out Student

Dear Stressed-out Student,

While stress is an important survival instinct, it can also complicate our lives, including our sex lives. Sex releases many “feel-good” hormones like endorphins, oxytocin, and dopamine, which can relieve stress. While healthy sex can add value to your everyday life, not everyone’s sexual experience is the same. 

Stress is a natural human reaction when faced with a perceived threat or challenge. Stress can occur in many situations, such as an upcoming job interview, exams, or personal issues. However, when an individual struggles with long-term stress, they can experience chronic stress. Chronic stress can affect health in many ways, including reduced libido. It can also contribute to burnout, which can disrupt sex drive.

Sex feels good, and many may turn to it as a coping mechanism for stressors they experience. When an individual becomes reliant on sex to cope with stress, sex can become a harmful force, especially if it interferes with daily life. Sex can be a great de-stressor, but you should be cognizant of the role that sex plays in your life, especially if you feel that it may be adding to your daily stress. 

An active sex life can be greatly beneficial if you properly maintain your health. If you are experiencing burnout or chronic stress, incorporating healthy habits to manage your stress can help you live a more balanced lifestyle. These can include activities such as exercise, exploring nature, watching your favorite TV show, engaging in your hobbies, and journaling. If you struggle to cope with daily stress, speaking with a mental-health professional can help you figure out ways to manage these feelings. Maintaining a balanced lifestyle, one in which you can deal with the stresses of everyday life, invites you to have a healthy sex life.

Furthermore, maintaining healthy sexual habits, such as using protection methods like condoms to prevent STI transmission and pregnancy, can also make sex a less stressful experience. Sex and stress go hand-in-hand. Healthy sex can act to de-stress, but if it ever feels wrong or overwhelming, you can take a step back. 

There are many great resources on campus that you can utilize to mitigate your stress and balance your sex life. Counseling and Psychological Services (CPS) can be a great start to talking about how to better deal with stress. Frist Health Center offers appointments for any health-related concern, including sexual concerns. For safer sex methods, many Peer Health Advisers (PHAs) on campus have free condoms, lube, dental dams, and other forms of protection that you can use to feel more secure during sex. With all this in mind, have fun with your sex life and stay safe.

— The Sexpert

Sex Positivity

Super Soaker: Squirting Struggles

What is squirting? Is it pee or cum? Is it real? What happens if I squirt before she does?

— Super Soaker

Dear Super Soaker,

Squirting doesn’t just happen in porn. While historically thought to be “movie magic” that can’t be achieved in real life, it can happen to many people with vaginas. However, what you may have seen in porn is probably not an accurate representation of what squirting actually looks and feels like.

There are a couple different fluids that can come from the vagina during sex. When aroused, the blood flow to the vagina increases and pushes fluids to the vaginal walls. This natural lubrication is also known as “getting wet” and is different phenomenon from squirting. Squirting refers to an involuntary expulsion of a colorless, odorless fluid. It is often associated with a gushing feeling, and it can happen during, before, or after an orgasm. It is possible to release up to 10 ml of liquid or more, and some can experience multiple instances of squirting over a few minutes.

While squirting and peeing may involve a similar feeling, they are not the same. While research on the contents of the squirted fluid is limited, we know that only a small amount of urine can be found in fluids excreted during sex. The majority of the fluid comes from the Skene’s glands: the female prostate. The Skene’s glands are made of tissue similar to that of a clitoris. It’s believed that the glands release antimicrobial substances to prevent urinary tract infections. 

Orgasms look and feel different depending on the person. Just because someone squirted while orgasming doesn’t mean that their orgasm was superior. Some people have squirted before while others have not, and some don’t know if they have or haven’t. The most important questions are about your experience throughout the process. Am I fulfilled with the sex that I am having? Am I confident with the sex that I am having? Do I need or want anything to change? Make sure that you and your partner are checking in with each other, allowing both parties to advocate for their wants and needs. Have fun with it and don’t be discouraged by your orgasm looking different from someone else’s.   

If you have more questions about squirting or other sexual health and wellness topics, come to the Frist Health Center to learn in a supportive space. If you’d like to meet with a medical provider to discuss concerns, you can visit the Sexual Health and Wellness website.

— The Sexpert

Uncategorized

Confused but Curious: Differences in Experiences

Dear Sexpert, 

Why are people so different when it comes to attraction and sex? I mean, some of my friends are totally into things that make no sense to me at all. Is that okay? What is the science here? 

-Confused but Curious

Dear Confused but Curious, 

First of all, your question is great and a very common one. When we first begin to learn about intimacy and sex, it’s natural to compare ourselves to others—as we have no other point of reference. However, it’s important to remember: sexual and romantic interests are personal and there is no universal “normal” to which everyone needs to conform. Whether it’s being into a certain kind of touch, fantasizing about specific scenarios, or even not wanting to engage in sexual activity altogether, people’s preferences are shaped by a mix of biology, psychology, culture, experience, and identity. Just like taste in clothing or music, no two people are going to be exactly alike. 

So why are we interested in different things? This depends on biopsychosocial factors—essentially biological aspects of our bodies and minds and how they interact with how we experience our bodies and relate to others, within the context of culture. In other words, our interests come from how our brains are wired and our bodies are developed, in addition to the kinds of experiences we’ve had. The neurotransmitter dopamine, which is a part of the brain responsible for several of the body’s functions, acts on areas of the brain to provide different feelings of pleasure, satisfaction, and reward, which contributes to why specific things turn us on or who we find attractive.

Furthermore, our upbringing, values, and even the media we are exposed to can make an impact on what we are comfortable with and what we find sexy or pleasurable. For example, if we grew up in a household that stigmatized certain behaviors or desires, we may internalize them as “wrong”, try to hide them, feel shameful, or even be turned off by them. Those experiences could even impact our judgment of others’ sexual desires or behaviors, affect whether we are open to or feel safe exploring our own sexuality or pleasure, or discussing these topics with others. If we’ve consumed media that is empowering and factually accurate, we may feel more positively towards certain activities; meanwhile, media that reinforces stereotypes, or demonstrates acts that are violent or unrealistic may impact what we think we are “supposed to like” or what we assume others enjoy. Past experiences such as sexual violence or abuse may impact how we respond to sexual experiences and stimuli. There is no “normal” way to feel or act following sexual trauma, but it is not uncommon for intimacy and reclaiming one’s body or sexual agency to feel challenging. Everyone responds differently to touch, but from a physical standpoint, having a disability or chronic pain can also change how we perceive pleasure, or what feels good to us. If you have a disability, there may be some parts of your body that don’t have much sensation or respond to touch; or, with chronic pain, the wrong sensation or touch may be extremely painful or uncomfortable. As these sensations can change from day to day, figuring out what works for you may require patience, creativity, and frequent exploration.

Whatever our experiences, our preferences are also not set in stone. It is possible that your sexual desires and attraction to others will continue to ebb and flow over time. If you’re not into what your friends (or partners) are into, that’s totally okay—and totally healthy. Sexual awareness is not about matching someone else’s energy or preferences but finding what feels right and good to you. This may involve self-reflection, vulnerable conversations with partner(s), or even exploring your boundaries and desires more intentionally (a great tool to try is the Peer Health Advisers (PHA) “How I Like It” Checklist). You should never feel coerced into liking or doing something simply because it’s “hot” or another person enjoys it. Decide if it’s something you are into! Of course, in partnered contexts, conversations about desires, likes/dislikes, and boundaries are critical. To engage in conversation, try approaching the topic during a time when you and a partner are in a private but relaxed environment. Make it clear that your goal is to figure out what will be pleasurable and enjoyable for both of you. Using the checklist above, together, may be a good starting point. Ultimately, what you choose to engage in together should be something you both are into. 

It is most important to feel respected, safe, and empowered in one’s decision-making. Sexual wellness is finding yourself and trusting in your own experiences—whatever that may be. And remember—there’s no one-size-fits-all with intimacy. Whether you’re into soft romance, hot roleplay, or don’t find sex appealing, your desires are valid.

If you ever want to learn more, explore safely, or talk to someone about questions you’re not ready to ask a friend, there are lots of resources available to you. University Health Services (UHS) offers confidential counseling, clinical services, and peer education. Peer educators and professional staff at the Gender + Sexuality Resource Center (GSRC) can provide support around exploring sexual orientation and identity, and connect you to affinity groups. You can also learn more online through reputable resources such as  Planned Parenthood, the Kinsey Institute, Scarleteen, etc., open-source textbooks, or review our past articles. Finally, remember that your experiences and feelings are unique and valid – trust and honor them. 

Stay curious and kind to yourself, 

The Sexpert 

Information for this article is provided by the Cleveland Clinic, Journal of Neuroendocrinology, Intro to Human Sexuality, and Sexuality, the Self and Society.

Communication, Dating, Relationships

Stressed Out and Struggling: Healthy Relationships Amidst Academic Stress

Dear Sexpert,

Lately, I’ve been feeling overwhelmed with school. Between exams, assignments, and all the pressure to perform well, it feels like there’s barely any time to relax. I’ve noticed that the stress is starting to affect my relationship, and causing some tension with my partner. I feel like they are starting to feel rejected. They seem disinterested in our conversations (whether it’s in person or texting), they are not as receptive to physical affection, and have stopped sharing their thoughts and feelings with me, instead deciding to confide in their close friends. It makes me feel shut out. Overall, they seem distant. I don’t know what to do. I love my partner, but the stress from school has me feeling drained and emotionally distant. Could this be something temporary? How do I navigate the stress without letting it damage my relationship?

– Stressed Out and Struggling

Dear Stressed Out and Struggling,

First of all, thank you for reaching out! It sounds like you’re going through a challenging time balancing the pressures of school and your relationship, and I want to assure you that you’re not alone in feeling this way. Stress (from any source, including academics) can have a huge impact on both your emotional and physical well-being—and that includes your desire for intimacy. You’re absolutely right to acknowledge how this stress is affecting your relationship, but it’s important to remember that this is something you can manage.

Stress can take a serious toll on libido. When you’re stressed—whether from school, work, or personal life—your body goes into a state of “fight or flight” mode, which triggers a surge of stress hormones like cortisol. While cortisol is necessary for dealing with immediate threats, high levels of it over time can interfere with the production of other hormones, like estrogen and testosterone, that are crucial for sexual desire. As a result, you might find yourself feeling emotionally and physically drained, with little interest in intimacy.

This response is entirely natural, but it doesn’t make it any easier to navigate, especially when it starts to affect your relationship. When you’re overwhelmed, your energy and focus naturally go toward surviving the pressure, leaving little room for sexual desire or even emotional connection.

The emotional strain caused by academic stress can also influence your interactions with your partner. When you’re constantly stressed, it can be hard to be present in your relationship. You might find it more difficult to communicate openly, feel less affectionate, or even shut down emotionally. This can understandably lead to feelings of frustration or rejection from your partner, which, in turn, can worsen your stress and create a negative feedback loop.

One of the main things you can do is to communicate proactively with your partner. Honest communication about how you’re feeling can help your partner understand what you’re going through. By discussing your feelings, you can reduce the potential for misunderstandings and open up a dialogue on how to support each other during stressful times. Be clear about what your partner can do to support you, and ask if they are willing.

For example, if you’re not in the mood for physical intimacy, that’s completely okay! Instead, focus on building emotional intimacy with your partner. You can discuss with them what might help boost connection. Take time to engage in activities that you both enjoy—whether that’s cuddling, talking, or doing something relaxing together. 

Additionally, it is understandable that you are feeling emotionally overwhelmed in periods of stress. It’s normal for stress to impact your libido, which can impact emotional connection. It can be helpful to openly discuss with your partner about what you need, whether that is talking more often, holding space for sensitive topics, or setting boundaries for your relationship. Participating in these acts are important forms of self-care. It is good that you are already noticing signs like feeling disinterested in communication. Continue to monitor your feelings and comfort level during conversations, and give yourself the grace to take care of your mental and physical health. 

Most importantly, you need to find ways to prioritize your own well-being. Even during a busy academic period, it’s important to schedule time for self-care, whether it’s getting enough sleep, eating nourishing food, or taking a few minutes each day to decompress. Regular exercise can also help reduce stress levels and improve mood, which may in turn help you feel more present and relaxed with your partner. Try not to rush through your self-care with productivity in mind, instead allow yourself to truly use practices that serve and center you. 

Remember, your libido is deeply tied to your overall well-being, and when you’re stressed, it’s okay to step back and give yourself time to recharge. By addressing the root causes of your stress, you’ll likely find that your desire for intimacy comes back naturally as you begin to feel more balanced and relaxed. Take care of yourself, and be kind to your body and mind as you work through this challenging time. You’ve got this!

-The Sexpert

Information for this article obtained from RockvilleOBGYN, Journal of Affective Disorders, Kelsey Seybold Clinic.

Communication, Dating, Protective Barriers, Relationships, Sex Positivity, STDs/STIs

Hookup Hopeful: On the Pursuit of Casual Sex

Dear Sexpert,

I’ve realized that I want to pursue something casual and am not looking for a relationship right now. While I’ve had some hookups, I haven’t found a consistent situation that works for me. I know that finding something casual can be difficult, but at the end of the day I know it is what I want. How can I approach this in a healthy manner and keep what I want in mind?

– Hookup Hopeful

Dear Hookup Hopeful,

It’s great that you’ve come to know yourself well enough to realize that a casual relationship is truly what is best at the moment. Being self-aware of your own wants and needs is one of the fundamental steps involved in seeking out experiences that both feel good and are good for you. 

When engaging in casual sex or intimacy, communication becomes all the more crucial  in finding a partner (or partners) and maintaining a healthy, respectful relationship. Before you do anything physical, have an open and honest conversation about expectations, boundaries, and comfort levels. Make sure you and your partner(s) are on the same page about what a casual relationship means, whether it is a one-time thing or an on-going arrangement. Not everyone will share the same definition of “casual,” and different expectations can lead to confusion or hurt feelings. Being honest about your desires and listening to what the other person wants creates a zone for mutual understanding and respect. It’s perfectly okay if this conversation is uncomfortable to have, as learning how to discuss sex and boundaries in open terms is often a skill we are not taught, and thus, need to learn.

When engaging in casual sex, taking care of your sexual health is as important as  your emotional boundaries. Getting regular sexually transmitted infection (STI) tests is also a responsible self-care measure you can take to protect yourself and your partner(s), even if you have no signs of concern. Many STIs, including chlamydia and gonorrhea, may remain asymptomatic but can have permanent health effects if left untreated. Other STIs, including syphilis and herpes, are also common and can be transmitted through oral sex or skin-to-skin contact. Prevention of HIV is also a high priority, and  having protection and researching preventative options like PrEP can prevent transmission. Remember that protection doesn’t just mean external and internal condoms– dental dams and other barrier methods also reduce risks from oral sex. University Health Services offers STI testing as well as regular exams to support your sexual and reproductive healthcare needs.

Keep in mind that risks will depend on the kind of sexual activity you and your partners are engaging in (and not just with each other). Having a conversation with your partner about whether either of you are having sex with other people, and using barrier methods or other forms of prevention, is another important discussion to promote health and safety. Taking responsibility for your health not only makes you healthy, but it’s also respectful and caring of your partners’ health.

Another aspect to keep in mind is how these casual hookups are initiated. Not always, but often “hookups” commonly occur in the setting of eating clubs, pre-games, and parties in which substances (such as alcohol or other drugs) are present. These substances can impair decision-making, impact attention to interpersonal cues, and challenge clear consent. You should check in with yourself and your partner(s) to ensure that you and they are able to consent. If you ever are unsure if someone is in the right state of mind to give consent or if you are being pressured and feel uncomfortable, it’s always better to back out of the situation. Hookup culture can be exciting, but physical and emotional safety always comes first.

Lastly, remember that feelings change with time, and that is completely normal. What feels right for you now might evolve as you continue to explore your likes and reflect upon experiences. You could start out wanting something casual and find that you require something deeper, or you might feel more certain that a casual relationship is ultimately what you want. Your partners have similar autonomy to change their feelings, so open discussion is required to navigate through changes. Check in with yourself regularly and have honest conversations with your partner(s), if something starts to feel different. If the relationship is no longer what you want or if your partner shows a change in feelings, being respectful and direct about it will make it easier for both of you. Casual sex, as with any other form of intimacy, is a two-way street, and should be comfortable for everyone involved.

Casual sex can be a positive and enjoyable experience when approached with honesty, awareness, and sensitivity. By making clear communication your priority, practicing safe sex, being mindful of hookup culture dynamics, and being open to change, you can create experiences that fit what you desire. Whatever path you take, make sure it’s one that centers your well-being and is respectful of those you engage with.

You got this!

– The Sexpert

Information for this article obtained from Sexual Harassment/Assault Advising, Resources, and Education (SHARE), UMatter, and University Health Services (UHS).

Communication, Relationships, STDs/STIs

PrEParing Partner: PrEPping for your relationship

Dear Sexpert,

I’ve started to see a guy, and I’ve been struggling to talk to him about the possibility of me or both of us going on PrEP. I myself haven’t had former sexual partners, and he claims he hasn’t had sexual partners since he was last tested, but we aren’t yet exclusive in our relationship. I’m worried that going on PrEP — or suggesting he do so also — will breach trust in our relationship, but I also want to prioritize safety. 

— PrEParing Partner

Hi PrEParing Partner, 

It’s normal to have concerns and questions about using PrEP and discussing your use of it with your partner. Taking PrEP (like other preventative medications) is an indication of investment in your — and your partner’s — health, not a barometer of your trust. Hopefully with a little preparation (pun intended) and well-timed conversation, you can prioritize safety for both of you! 

First, let’s discuss what PrEP is. PrEP (pre-exposure prophylaxis) is a prescription medication that reduces the risk of getting human immunodeficiency virus (HIV) from sex by 99 percent when taken properly. It is intended for HIV-negative individuals and available in oral pill-form, Descovy and Truvada, and a bimonthly injection, Apretude. The latter two of these options have been approved for individuals with vaginas in addition to individuals with penises. These drugs block the enzyme HIV needs to replicate in the body, reducing the risk of contracting the virus when used as prescribed. 

PrEP could be worth exploring if:

  1. You’re in a serodiscordant relationship, meaning one partner is HIV-positive and the other is negative. 
  2. One or more partners engage in activities that increase HIV transmission risks, such as having multiple sexual partners, lack of or inconsistent condom use, and sharing needles. 
  3. You do not know a partner’s HIV status. 

Before starting oral PrEP, patients get an HIV test. Patients either take PrEP as one tablet per day for seven days before contact and every day following as needed, or immediately before having sex — a method called “on-demand.” Taking oral PrEP requires a visit to a healthcare provider every 3 months for HIV testing, prescription refills, and a follow-up; for injectable PrEP (Apretude), patients will need to see a provider for their first injection. They receive another injection in one month, returning every two months for testing and the injection.

Sexual health appointments, sexually transmitted infection (STI) testing, and barrier methods such as condoms are available through Sexual Health and Wellness at University Health Services. Remember that if you and/or your partner decide to go on PrEP, it is only effective against HIV; condoms should be used to lower the risk of contracting other STIs. Consistent condom use and regular testing are essential to ensuring sexual health. 

Sharing what you’ve learned about PrEP can be a productive way to frame your conversation with your partner. You will want to emphasize shared responsibility, collaboration, and trust in your discussion. Start by finding a good time and place to discuss this where your conversation won’t feel rushed or distracted. Lead with your feelings and invite his perspective on exploring PrEP together. 

Be prepared to reassure him that your interest in PrEP stems from a desire to protect yourself and him, not from mistrust. Taking PrEP is about taking care of each other, and it does not suggest a high-risk lifestyle for either partner. Rather, it serves as an additional tool for promoting sexual health, just like using condoms.  

Be prepared, too, to discuss any barriers to accessing PrEP, such as cost or time. The Student Health Plan (SHP) insurance covers emtricitabine/tenofovir (generic Truvada) and Apretude (injectable PrEP) at no cost to students. Other insurances may not cover every PrEP option, or a co-pay may be needed, so speak to your insurance provider to find out more information. Keep in mind that consistently taking the daily pill without missing doses and committing to routine testing and check-ups may be difficult lifestyle adjustments at first. But with time and tricks to help create a routine (e.g., calendar reminders, app tracking), keeping up with PrEP can easily become second-nature.

If your partner is fully supportive of your decision to begin treatment with PrEP, great! You can discuss next steps and work through solutions to any remaining concerns or issues accessing the drug and maintaining the regimen. If he’s hesitant, you might provide more resources, or suggest you see a healthcare provider together to learn more. If he resists or dismisses your concerns, consider your own values. Just remember that protecting your health is paramount. 

— The Sexpert

Information in this article obtained from University Health Services,HIV.gov and Healthline.

Communication, Masturbation, Relationships, Sex Positivity, Sex Toys

Eager Explorer: Navigating curiosity, sex, and self-discovery

Dear Sexpert,

I’m starting my first year here, and everything feels so new and exciting — especially when it comes to dating and sex. I’ve never really explored my sexuality before, but now I’m meeting new people, and I feel excited to try new things. I’m curious about toys, protection, and different types of intimacies. I’m also questioning my sexual orientation and gender identity, and I want to have the space to explore that. Is this normal? How do I know what’s right for me without feeling pressured or overwhelmed? How do I know I’m choosing the right partner? How do I know I’m making the right decisions regarding my identities? 

–Eager Explorer 

Dear Eager Explorer,

Starting college is a time of immense personal growth, and it’s completely normal to feel both excited and nervous about exploring new aspects of yourself — especially when it comes to sex, intimacy, and identity. You’re not alone in having these feelings. Many students, especially in their first year, are exploring their sexual desires, gender identities, and sexual orientations. For many people, the new environment presents a chance to reinvent yourself and explore new perspectives. It is important to remember that self-exploration is a personal journey, and there’s no definite way to go about it. The key is to take things at your own pace and make decisions that feel authentic to you.

When it comes to exploring your sexuality the most important thing is education. The more informed you are, the more empowered you’ll feel. For example, if pregnancy prevention is a concern, understanding the different types of contraception — like internal and external condoms or birth control methods — and how they protect against pregnancy can allow you to feel confident and prepared to engage in sexual activities. The same is true for barrier methods and testing for sexually transmitted diseases, which lowers the risk of STI transmission. Additionally, you can always make an appointment with a Sexual Health and Wellness (SHAW) provider through MyUHS to discuss different contraceptives or barrier methods more thoroughly and figure out which may be best for you.  

Similarly, experimenting with toys can ensure your safety when exploring your own anatomy, sexual desires and boundaries, either alone or with a partner. Check out this past Sexpert article to learn more about how to explore self-pleasure.

Furthermore, sexual orientation and gender identity are deeply personal aspects of who you are, and they can evolve over time. It’s completely normal to question these aspects of your identity as you grow, and college can be a great time to give yourself the space to do so. Feeling overwhelmed by these new experiences is also common, especially considering such new possibilities intertwined with the pressure to figure everything out. What’s helpful to know is that there’s no timeline for figuring out your sexual identity or orientation, and there’s no “right or wrong” decision to make. Decisions that feel right to you now may shift as you continue to grow. The  Gender + Sexuality Resource Center (GSRC) has various online educational guides that may help guide you through exploring and understanding different gender identities and sexual orientations. You can also connect with professional staff, student staff and peer educators, or student groups coordinated through the GSRC. Give yourself the grace to explore without pressure to define anything and know that there’s no need to fit yourself into any discrete category.

When exploring sexual experiences, communication and consent are essential. Talk openly with your partner(s) about what you’re comfortable with and what you’d like to try. This “How I Like It Inventory” can assist you in your self-reflection and even how you communicate your needs and wants. The right partner should respect your boundaries, listen to your needs, and make you feel safe. Trust your gut — if someone makes you feel uneasy, it’s important to listen to those instincts. Remember, consent is ongoing, so you can always change your mind about anything you’re not comfortable with, no matter what you’ve agreed to in the past. When it comes to navigating your sexual orientation and gender identity, take your time. It can be helpful to find supportive communities, either on campus or online, where you can explore these questions without judgment.

The Gender + Sexuality Resource Center (GSRC), located on the second floor of the Frist Campus Center, has many resources for students. They provide contraceptives, have peer educators, and hold numerous events throughout the academic year which can be a great place to meet other students. Seeking community amongst students who may be going through similar experiences can help you reflect on your feelings and better understand who you are and what feels right for you.

If you ever feel overwhelmed or just want to talk things through, you can always reach out to University Health Services (UHS). Whether you’re interested in speaking with a counselor at CPS, getting more information about sexual health and contraception, or exploring gender-affirming care, the resources on campus are here to support you. Remember, there’s no rush to figure everything out right now. College is about exploring and learning — not just in the classroom but also about yourself. Take it one step at a time, and don’t be afraid to seek out support whenever you need it!

— The Sexpert

Information for this article obtained from University Health Services and UMatter.

STDs/STIs

Tentative Test-taker: STI Testing

Dear Sexpert,

I have been sexually active with multiple partners for three years now. Though I am not currently experiencing symptoms nor know of exposure to anyone with an STI, I am really nervous that I may have contracted one. I remember learning that many STIs may have no signs or symptoms, so I am getting really anxious that I may have one, and it will be too late. I feel too embarrassed and scared to talk to my friends and family to ask about testing, however, I am concerned for my health and want to get checked out ASAP. Do you have any guidance for where I can get help?

— Tentative Test-taker

Dear Tentative Test-taker,

I am sorry to hear you are feeling anxious. You are being very proactive by reaching out with your concerns. To alleviate some of your anxiety, I want to first remind you that all sexually transmitted infections, when identified early enough, can be treated (i.e., those caused by viruses), if not cured (i.e., bacterial infections). So even if you test positive for an STI, medications can manage symptoms or even clear up infection entirely. You can still have healthy and fulfilling sexual experiences in the future. You also noted that you may be asymptomatic and have had no known exposures. If you have been practicing safer sex by doing things like using barrier methods consistently and properly, the chances of contracting an STI are very low.

One of the first steps that you may want to take is to communicate with your sexual partner(s). Ask them if they have any STIs that they are aware of or if they have recently had testing and share that you are concerned about transmission. Initiating the conversation will allow both you and your partner(s) to make well-informed decisions about the next steps to take. If you have not already discussed your partner(s) being non-monogamous, this is also an important conversation to have, as it can increase risk for your partner(s).

STI testing recommendations vary and depend on multiple factors, including behavioral and identity-based risks. Finding out more about whether you need testing is a smart decision, and you should not feel embarrassed about it. There are indeed resources right here on campus that can help you get answers.

Your MyUHS online portal features a new online STI testing program for asymptomatic testing, designed to include evidence-based educational information and enable you to make an informed decision about the type of testing you wish to pursue. Additionally, this testing is confidential, so you do not have to be concerned with other individuals, such as your family, finding out from UHS.

It is important to note that self-directed STI screening will be sent through Quest Laboratory and billed through insurance. If you wish to avoid using insurance (where an Explanation of Benefits will be mailed to the insurance holder [e.g., parent, guardian] and may result in questions about the procedure/testing), you should make an appointment with a nurse for a screening. Read more about costs if you choose not to use insurance — see “STI Testing” and “Lab Tests” on this page. Positive results for some STIs may be shared with state or city health departments for tracking purposes, but there are laws preventing health departments from sharing your test results with your family, friends, or employer.

To begin the STI testing process, follow the steps below:

  1. Log into your secure MyUHS online portal and choose “Princeton University” if prompted.
  2. Navigate to the Forms page.
  3. Scroll down to the Sexual Health and Wellness section and click on “Self-directed STI Testing.”
  4. Use the educational materials provided and/or access the application: STD Wizard, to decide what you want to be tested for and which body parts should be tested.
  5. Order your desired labs.

Once you receive a notification that your labs are ordered, you can go to the reception desk at McCosh Health Center during a time that is convenient for you (Monday–Friday, between 9 a.m. and 3 p.m.), to collect your specimen(s). 

According to the UHS website, lab test results are typically available within 24–48 hours. The UHS electronic health record automatically releases normal lab results to students via the patient portal. Positive lab results are reported to students by a nurse, enabling a discussion of any needed treatment. UHS is currently processing approximately three to ten online STI tests requests daily. This means that your peers are also taking advantage of this offering, even if they aren’t talking about it openly.

If you would prefer to go to an off-campus resource, such as an urgent care or Planned Parenthood, to get tested, that is also always an option. Thank you so much for reaching out about your concern. You are doing the right thing for your health by getting tested, and we are glad to be able to highlight this convenient UHS resource for you. If you have further questions or concerns, feel free to reach out to any of the PHAs.

We wish you all the best,

— The Sexpert

Communication, Masturbation, Personal Health & Hygiene, Sex Positivity, Sex Toys

Private Pleasure-Seeker: Navigating Self-Pleasure in College

Dear Sexpert,

I’ve been reading here on the Sexpert about the benefits of masturbation, from stress-relief and to being a healthy activity, and I even read about sex toys. My question is though, when or where can I masturbate? I share a double room with a roommate, and we have communal restrooms. My concerns are that: A) it would be weird to bring up the subject to ask for alone time, B) the walls are paper thin, so it may be obvious what I’m doing, and C) where would I wash my sex toy? It may seem quite weird and perhaps even embarrassing to be caught washing a sex toy in the restroom, let alone having to find a place to let it dry in my room.

Thanks, Sexpert!

— Private Pleasure-Seeker

Dear Private Pleasure-Seeker,

Great questions! There are a lot of benefits to masturbation and exploring self-pleasure, but navigating sexual exploration while maintaining privacy can be tricky in shared living conditions. Fortunately, following a certain etiquette will allow you to maintain privacy, while also feeling comfortable to explore sexually. 

Simply put, masturbation should only be done in private places where you can feel comfortable while not creating an uncomfortable environment for others. The only exception is consensual exhibitionism — but that can only take place when all individuals in the space have consented. Therefore, a communal/public restroom is not the best place to engage in sexual pleasure. You can perhaps figure out some time that you know your roommate will be out of the room and you can have alone time. Alternatively, if you feel comfortable, have an open or discrete discussion with your roommate about creating a designated “alone time” in the room for either of you. For example, you can discuss each other’s schedules and plan out some time when you know the other won’t be in the room, or you can compromise certain times blocked out where you or your roommate can get the room to yourselves. Discussions of alone time in the dorm and privacy, regardless of the reason, are completely normal conversations to have with a roommate and can be productive in understanding each other’s comfort zones and needs regarding sharing a living space. 

To maintain privacy and discretion if you’re worried, there are soundless sex toys that may reduce any noise concerns you have. 

Cleaning sex toys after use is important for maintaining your health and safety. Most toys can be surface cleaned — especially if only being used by you — with a mild soap and warm water. You can also purchase cleaning supplies specifically made for sex toys, like a spray, but these often need to be washed off after anyways. Make sure whatever cleaner you are using is compatible with the toy’s materials. Avoid using any products that you would not also put on your skin (e.g., bleach, alcohol, glass cleaner, hydrogen peroxide, and abrasives). There are also ways to be discreet when washing and drying sex toys. For example, you can transport them in some sort of bag and wash them in the shower. When drying, you can wrap it in a towel to dry or leave it to air dry when you know your roommate will be out of the room. At the end of the day, all of this depends on the comfortability between you and your roommate and the level of discretion you two feel comfortable with. 

It’s important to remember that sexual exploration is completely normal and healthy! Conversation is beneficial to come to a consensus with your roommate on boundaries and privacy in the dorm so you can feel comfortable in your sexual journey.

Sincerely,
The Sexpert

Please note that the inclusion of external hyperlinks does not constitute endorsement or recommendation of any particular product or company by The Sexpert.

Photo credit: Morderska, CC BY-SA 3.0, via Wikimedia Commons

Contraception, Dating

Puzzled BC-Taker: On birth control

Dear Sexpert,

I’ve been dating my partner for over a year now, but I fear things are not going well, and we are likely close to the end of our relationship. A couple of months into dating, I decided I was ready to begin being sexually active, and I started using birth control pills. My body seems to have adapted well to them, but I am unsure if I should continue using them if my partner and I break up. I’m afraid that if I keep taking them, others will assume it’s because I have already moved on and that I’m seeing other people. What should I do? If I stop taking them, what should I expect? 

— Puzzled BC-taker

Dear Puzzled BC-taker, 

I am sorry to hear that your relationship might be nearing its end. I hope you and your partner ultimately make the decision that is right for you, and if you do break up, do so respectfully.

Regarding your birth control dilemma: birth control pills, also referred to as oral contraceptives, are a reliable, easily reversed form of contraception, but they can also be used for various reasons beyond pregnancy prevention. Oral contraceptives are generally a combination of the hormones estrogen and progestin — two hormones necessary for the sexual development of the female and for the regulation of the menstrual cycle. Consistently taking birth control pills is a reliable form of contraception and can be easily reversed. 

Each different type of birth control pill has a unique dosage of estrogen and progestin. Those with both the hormones estrogen and progestin are known as combination pills. Combination oral contraceptives can be used to treat hormone-related health issues, such as acne, severe menstrual cramps (also known as dysmenorrhea), and irregular menstrual cycles. Birth control pills may even be prescribed to help relieve endometriosis symptoms, a condition during which the tissue that lines the uterus grows outside of it. There are also pills that only contain progestin, colloquially known as “mini-pills.”

Using oral contraceptives can have several benefits besides their main purpose, such as the lessened probability of developing cysts in the breasts and ovaries, and of developing endometrial and ovarian cancers. Of course, this depends on the person and type of combination pill used.  

Evidently, there are several reasons why someone might use oral contraceptives. Nonetheless, there can be a stigma regarding contraceptive use, so your concerns about the assumptions someone may make are completely valid. However, you know your body better than anyone else, and thus should not be afraid of what others may think of your health-related decisions. Of course, that is easier said than done.

The main thing you should consider is your well-being: What would make you feel the most comfortable? If you are not looking to become pregnant, continuing to take birth control may keep your mind at ease. It is important to note that you can become pregnant immediately after you discontinue taking regular or low-dose oral contraceptives, so consider whether you may engage in vaginal sex in the near future before stopping your regimen. Given that oral contraceptives are easily reversible, you can resume taking them at any point (before their expiration date) after stopping, but they may not be effective at preventing pregnancy immediately. Depending on the type of pill, they may become effective only after seven days of usage. If you plan to have vaginal sex, also use a barrier method, like an internal or external condom, to prevent pregnancy.

Something else you should consider before you discontinue taking birth control pills is whether there are additional benefits of using oral contraceptives and how they affect your current lifestyle. Perhaps you are experiencing a lighter menstruation flow and less cramping, which may be a relief, especially in a high-stress environment where you have less time to rest during the day. Ultimately, it is your decision, but those are two factors to consider. 

If you do decide to stop taking the pill, you should expect your menstruation cycle to return to how it was before birth control. This might mean your menstruation flow will become heavier, and you will have more cramping. It might also take a couple of months for your hormone levels to balance themselves, and this readjustment phase may lead to irregular periods. Fortunately, this readjustment phase is based on how long you were on birth control and may last less than three months.

Before making a final decision, it may be helpful to speak with your healthcare provider, or a Sexual Health and Wellness clinician at UHS, to weigh the pros and cons and consider an alternative contraceptive form — for example, an intrauterine device, patch, or hormonal shot. If you would like more guidance but do not feel ready to speak with a professional quite yet, you can schedule a Wellness Chat with a Peer Health Adviser to explore resources and create an “action plan.” Regardless of your decision, remember that there are many resources available to you on campus if you want to talk through your options or simply to have someone listen. 

Sincerely,
The Sexpert 

Information in this article is from MayoClinic, Go Ask Alice Columbia University, Planned Parenthood, and Psychology Today.

Contraception, Pregnancy, STDs/STIs

Summer Fling Seeker: Maintaining sexual health during the summer

Dear Sexpert,

I’ve been using McCosh’s services to remain diligent about my sexual health and have gotten used to the easy, accessible resources on campus. I’m going home for the summer in a few weeks, and I am worried about accessing resources at home, especially without my parents knowing about it. My home state is also extremely strict about abortions, and while I don’t plan to get pregnant, unwanted pregnancies could still happen and I’m not in a place to have a child right now. I could use some guidance regarding this matter.

Sincerely,
Summer Fling Seeker

Dear Summer Fling Seeker, 

Planning ahead and being cautious are certainly important goals! If you intend to be sexually active this summer — especially if you are engaging with new or multiple sexual partners, it is a good idea to have a plan in place to continue practicing safer sex. It’s also great that you’ve been able to take advantage of the services at McCosh while on campus. If you already have a provider at McCosh who you are comfortable with, you can message your provider through your MyUHS portal with non-urgent questions throughout the summer. They may also assist in getting you connected to resources near you. However, this should not be used for urgent or immediate care concerns or services.

If you are not connected with a care provider at home, Planned Parenthood has clinical locations across most of the United States. These clinics offer sexually-transmitted infection (STI) testing, contraception, physical examinations, consultations, pregnancy testing and prenatal services, abortion care, and sex education. Your local pharmacy may also offer consultations, evaluations, STI and pregnancy testing, and vaccinations or treatments, as needed. 

You note being concerned about unwanted pregnancies. If you do not have a consistent or reliable contraception method, consider making an appointment at McCosh with Sexual Health and Wellness (SHAW) to explore your options before your departure from campus. There are a ton of different methods — hormonal, non-hormonal, daily use, or ones that last years once inserted. Remember that external and internal condoms also prevent STIs, in addition to pregnancy.

Even with these options, no method  is 100 percent foolproof, other than abstinence. Should you suspect a pregnancy, it can be more cost efficient to get a test at a Planned Parenthood location (since they accept insurance or offer a sliding scale fee, if paying out-of-pocket) than to pick up an at-home testing at a pharmacy. But at-home testing does ensure more privacy. Just keep in mind that if you are on your family’s insurance plan and use it, an explanation of benefits (EOB) may be mailed to the policy holder. Learn about some strategies to navigate this.

If you find yourself pregnant and want to explore your options, you may want to learn more about state laws and restrictions (e.g., ultrasound and waiting period requirement, parental consent or notification) to know more about your options, including what you could expect at a provider’s office. You can also look to any of these resources for supportive talk or text lines regarding options to navigate pregnancy. Additionally, Hey Jane is a startup that connects menstruating people to healthcare providers who can educate and prescribe contraceptives and abortion medication. This company caters to those who are less than 10 weeks pregnant and over 18 years old, and in the states Calif., Colo., Conn., Ill., Md., N.J., N.M., N.Y. and Wash. (which may not be applicable to your situation). This service is private and will work with you to financially support your decision. Plan C is another resource that has up-to-date information about accessing at-home abortion pills. More than 54% of abortions in the United States are medication abortions, and they are often chosen over surgical abortions because of the desire for privacy.

Taking preventive measures to maintain your sexual health is incredibly important for your overall well-being, as well as to avoid STIs and unwanted pregnancies. Using condoms and other forms of contraception are the easiest ways to stay diligent about this, but the only way to definitively prevent STIs and unwanted pregnancies is practicing abstinence. If you choose to be sexually active, make sure you are on top of your self-protective behaviors, know your options, and can get connected to care. 

Stay safe,

The Sexpert

Information for this article is provided by the Guttmacher Institute, Plan C, Hey Jane, Bedsider and Reproductive Rights.

Communication, Masturbation, Relationships

Sincere Survivor: Finding Intimacy After Trauma

Content warning: The following column contains references to sexual assault. If you or a friend have experienced sexual misconduct and are in need of assistance, Princeton has a number of resources that may be of use. You can also reach SHARE, Princeton’s Sexual Harassment/Assault Advising, Resources and Education service at 609-258-3310. 

Dear Sexpert, 

I feel safe and respected by my partner, but my past experience with sexual assault has made it so that I have trouble focusing during sex. I find it pleasurable, but I cannot orgasm. I have disclosed to my partner that I am a survivor, and they’ve been understanding and patient. Lately, I’ve been feeling pressure from them to orgasm, but I don’t want to fake it. Just because I don’t reach an orgasm doesn’t mean that I’m not enjoying being intimate with them. I’m so confused.   

— Sincere Survivor

Dear Sincere Survivor, 

Dealing with intimacy can be a delicate topic in any case, not only between you and your partner, but for yourself as well. Layering on the complex feelings, both physical and emotional, experienced by many survivors rarely makes things simpler. Navigating intimacy after assault, harassment, or other harm can be a confusing and variable process, as you’ve observed, but it’s not one you are alone in. Many people have explored and shared what has been helpful for them, which we will discuss a bit here, but at the same time, only you can decide what does and doesn’t work for your body, mind, and desires. 

Sex and sexual assault are not the same things, and it can take time for your body and mind to understand the different experiences and sensations since the trauma caused by an assault can actually change the way your brain reacts or how it associates sex. It is possible that you might feel ready to move on from your assault in one moment and experience flashbacks or activations in another, making it seem like you’ve taken a step back in your healing journey. No one’s experience is the same, but it is not uncommon for survivors of sexual assault to dissociate (which is often described as feeling detached from one’s body) during sex when activated by a smell, sound, touch, etc. This can make it challenging to experience or focus on pleasure. 

One helpful approach, if you would like to try it, might be to focus on solo sex or masturbation. It can also help you to reclaim your body on your terms and under your control. This can be a great way to explore your likes, dislikes, and activations without the pressure of another person’s timeline or expectations. You can even document activations, body sensations, and emotions that you experience during solo sex, so you can find what is pleasurable and safe for you.

When talking about the idea of pleasure vs. orgasm, a common shorthand is to use these terms interchangeably. This association supports a checklist-oriented mentality, which can contribute to individuals putting their sexual goals (i.e., orgasm) above others’, and supports an attitude that may uphold violence. For most people, it is possible — and not atypical — to experience pleasure during intimacy without reaching orgasm. However, this “pleasure equals orgasm” shorthand can often result in pressure to reach orgasm during sex. In your case, it sounds like you are feeling pressure to orgasm from your partner. This may come from a variety of causes — perhaps they themself have the desire to orgasm frequently and assume you have a similar one, or perhaps they worry that the joint sexual experiences aren’t bringing you pleasure at all, or it could be something else entirely. You might currently have some insight into their thought process, but gaining clarification on their thinking may be helpful for your confusion and could give you an opportunity to share your own thoughts too. 

Communicating with your partner, whether it be verbal and independent from intimate moments or any other situation which you deem fit, is an important step towards not only creating a stronger relationship but in making sure that your voice is heard. Find a time and place to chat where you both feel comfortable in sharing your perspectives and conveying your boundaries. For example, you could let them know that you really enjoy having sex with them and want to continue doing so while taking your own orgasm out of the equation, or you could start by asking if they have any concerns regarding your mutual sex life. It’s completely normal, no matter how close you and your partner may be, to have boundaries during intimacy. Identifying and communicating your boundaries and expectations to your partner and hearing about theirs is an essential, though not always easy, step in any sexual relationship, but it may be particularly relevant for yours. 

This can be a very challenging, stressful, and delicate topic, but there are many resources available to help you through it. Some resources are intended to be long-term, while others are shorter-term and often more immediate. Likewise, some resources are confidential, and others are private – both of which you may find useful when you are preparing for your conversation with your partner and afterward. If you are looking for more professionally-oriented support, consider connecting with clinicians in the SHARE office or Counseling and Psychological Services (CPS) (confidential), or chaplains in the Office of Religious Life (confidential). SHARE Peers or Peer Health Advisers (private, non-confidential) may be an option if you feel more comfortable speaking with peers. (Note: SHARE Peers are only non-confidential because they let the SHARE office know that you spoke with them. You can request that the SHARE Peer keep your identity anonymous, and just the general details will be shared.) For off-campus options, you could connect with Womanspace, a support and counseling resource that serves all survivors and their families in Mercer County. It is normal to feel anxious when accessing new resources or even talking to friends about this challenging topic.

I hope you know that whatever you are feeling is valid and that you are worthy of comfort, support, and safety. Hopefully, this information can help make intimacy with your partner enjoyable, both for you and them, and take off the pressure of orgasming. Remember that we are all here to support you. 

Sincerely,  
The Sexpert

Uncategorized

Scared Spouter: Vaginal Discharge 101

My boyfriend and I had sexual intercourse for the first time. We used a condom, and 1 day after I showered I saw that a bit of sperm-looking liquid was coming out of my vagina, but I don’t know whether it was discharge or sperm. It was only a little bit, and it didn’t smell at all.

–Scared Spouter

Dear Scared Spouter , 

Vaginal discharge is a topic that is often overlooked and underdiscussed, especially when it comes to sex, so I’m happy to give you some more information. Discharge, also known as “cervical mucus,” or secretions from the vagina, occurs as a natural part of the vagina’s “self-cleaning” process and serves, in part, to remove dead cells and bacteria from the vagina. As you have probably noticed, the amount and type of discharge you have can change throughout your menstrual cycle. Typically, you may notice that your discharge is tinted brown or red towards the end of your period, clear, stretchy, and fairly thin during ovulation (about halfway through your cycle), and more white or creamy during the other times of your cycle. This is most likely the discharge you noticed after having sex with your boyfriend. This type of discharge is normal and healthy, especially if it has a mild (or no) odor, doesn’t have any chunks, and doesn’t cause your vagina any discomfort. During arousal, whether through masturbation or partnered sex, you probably notice more “arousal fluid” coming out of your vagina, which may be clear or white. This is simply to provide extra lubrication to your vagina, to make penetration (by a toy, finger, penis, etc.) more comfortable. Many folks don’t find this secretion to be enough lubrication on its own, so adding lube is always helpful!

In general, if you notice a strong or unpleasant odor, a chunky consistency, or discomfort — such as pain, itching, or burning — associated with your vaginal discharge, this could be a sign of a bacterial or yeast infection, and would be cause for consulting  your sexual healthcare provider. These infections often have causes other than sexual transmission, including the use of antibiotics or estrogen-based birth control, especially if you are consistent about practicing safer sex. 

I’m glad to hear that you and your boyfriend are practicing safer sex by using a condom – that’s helpful even if you are monogamous or if you use a non-barrier method form of birth control. The best way to prevent both pregnancy and the spread of a sexually transmitted infection (STI) is the use of a contraceptive, such as a birth control pill, intrauterine device or vaginal ring and a barrier method, such as an external or internal condom. Condoms are an effective barrier method when used properly — checking the expiration date and making sure the condom packaging isn’t compromised can offer peace of mind as well as bolster protection against pregnancy and STIs. As long as your boyfriend wore a condom while ejaculating, there is almost no chance that any sperm entered your body. It is much more likely that the discharge you noticed was just natural vaginal discharge. Since the purpose of vaginal discharge is to clean the vagina, it’s consistency or color can change after sex, even if no semen — the fluid that carries sperm — entered the body. If any type of lubricant or spermicide was used, whether from the condom or from a bottle, it could cause a change in your discharge while your vagina cleans itself out. This could be why you noticed a possibly unfamiliar type of vaginal discharge after having sex. 

Finally, it is completely understandable to feel nervous about pregnancy or STIs even when you know that semen couldn’t have entered your vagina, especially if you are newly sexually active. The prospect of pregnancy and STIs can be  scary, and it can take time to become confident in your contraceptive / protection methods, even if you know logically that they are effective.

If you have further questions or want to learn more about sexual or reproductive health in general, you can make an appointment online with a sexual health provider through MyUHS.

Sincerely,

The Sexpert

Information for this article was obtained from Scarleteen, Cleveland Clinic and Mayo Clinic.