Category Archives: Personal Health & Hygiene

Communication, Masturbation, Personal Health & Hygiene, Sex Positivity, Sex Toys

Private Pleasure-Seeker: Navigating Self-Pleasure in College

Dear Sexpert,

I’ve been reading here on the Sexpert about the benefits of masturbation, from stress-relief and to being a healthy activity, and I even read about sex toys. My question is though, when or where can I masturbate? I share a double room with a roommate, and we have communal restrooms. My concerns are that: A) it would be weird to bring up the subject to ask for alone time, B) the walls are paper thin, so it may be obvious what I’m doing, and C) where would I wash my sex toy? It may seem quite weird and perhaps even embarrassing to be caught washing a sex toy in the restroom, let alone having to find a place to let it dry in my room.

Thanks, Sexpert!

— Private Pleasure-Seeker

Dear Private Pleasure-Seeker,

Great questions! There are a lot of benefits to masturbation and exploring self-pleasure, but navigating sexual exploration while maintaining privacy can be tricky in shared living conditions. Fortunately, following a certain etiquette will allow you to maintain privacy, while also feeling comfortable to explore sexually. 

Simply put, masturbation should only be done in private places where you can feel comfortable while not creating an uncomfortable environment for others. The only exception is consensual exhibitionism — but that can only take place when all individuals in the space have consented. Therefore, a communal/public restroom is not the best place to engage in sexual pleasure. You can perhaps figure out some time that you know your roommate will be out of the room and you can have alone time. Alternatively, if you feel comfortable, have an open or discrete discussion with your roommate about creating a designated “alone time” in the room for either of you. For example, you can discuss each other’s schedules and plan out some time when you know the other won’t be in the room, or you can compromise certain times blocked out where you or your roommate can get the room to yourselves. Discussions of alone time in the dorm and privacy, regardless of the reason, are completely normal conversations to have with a roommate and can be productive in understanding each other’s comfort zones and needs regarding sharing a living space. 

To maintain privacy and discretion if you’re worried, there are soundless sex toys that may reduce any noise concerns you have. 

Cleaning sex toys after use is important for maintaining your health and safety. Most toys can be surface cleaned — especially if only being used by you — with a mild soap and warm water. You can also purchase cleaning supplies specifically made for sex toys, like a spray, but these often need to be washed off after anyways. Make sure whatever cleaner you are using is compatible with the toy’s materials. Avoid using any products that you would not also put on your skin (e.g., bleach, alcohol, glass cleaner, hydrogen peroxide, and abrasives). There are also ways to be discreet when washing and drying sex toys. For example, you can transport them in some sort of bag and wash them in the shower. When drying, you can wrap it in a towel to dry or leave it to air dry when you know your roommate will be out of the room. At the end of the day, all of this depends on the comfortability between you and your roommate and the level of discretion you two feel comfortable with. 

It’s important to remember that sexual exploration is completely normal and healthy! Conversation is beneficial to come to a consensus with your roommate on boundaries and privacy in the dorm so you can feel comfortable in your sexual journey.

Sincerely,
The Sexpert

Please note that the inclusion of external hyperlinks does not constitute endorsement or recommendation of any particular product or company by The Sexpert.

Photo credit: Morderska, CC BY-SA 3.0, via Wikimedia Commons

Communication, Dating, Personal Health & Hygiene, Protective Barriers, STDs/STIs

Flavorful Fluid: Addressing health concerns regarding oral sex

Dear Sexpert,

Things are getting kind of hot and heavy with this guy I’m seeing. We’ve only made out so far, but I have recently been thinking about trying oral sex. I’m worried about the taste of my bodily fluids. I’ve heard pineapple juice might help oral sex be more enjoyable for the giver: Is this true?

— Flavorful Fluid

Dear Flavorful Fluid,

Thank you for reaching out with your question! It’s completely normal to have questions and occasional insecurities about our bodies when it comes to sexual experiences, especially new ones. Regarding any type of sexual activity, including oral sex, it’s important to reflect on your personal wants and needs and to have open and respectful communication with your partner(s).

Oral sex encompasses a range of activities: cunnilingus, the oral stimulation of the vulva; fellatio, the oral stimulation of a penis; or anilingus, colloquially called “rimming”, oral stimulation of the anus. It’s common for the person giving oral sex to encounter various tastes and sensations as every body has its own unique flavor profile, and it can change depending on many variables — including diet, hydration, supplements or medications, hygiene, or infection. As for your question about pineapple juice, there’s a belief that consuming pineapple juice may make penile and vaginal secretions taste “better” — less bitter —, though it’s important to understand that many factors contribute to these tastes. Penile secretions are slightly alkaline, with a pH ranging between 7.1 and 8, which can lead to a slightly bitter taste. On the other hand, vaginal secretions are slightly acidic, with a pH between 3.8 and 4.5, resulting in a tangy taste. Your diet plays a significant role in the flavor of any bodily fluid, whether it be saliva, sweat, urine, seminal, or vaginal fluid.  For example, foods such as garlic, onions, dairy, red meat, smoking, and alcohol can contribute to a more “bitter” taste. In the case of penile secretions, sugary liquids or foods, such as pineapple juice, can alter the fructose and glucose content, making them less alkaline and potentially less “bitter.” The taste of vaginal secretions is also strongly affected by the menstrual cycle. During menstruation, the presence of blood may give a “metallic” taste, while during ovulation, the release of cervical mucus can result in a “muskier” taste. In addition to diet, being on medications, such as antibiotics, or having an infection affect your pH levels, and impact your natural smell and taste. 

Let’s also address this message that bodies and bodily secretions should taste or smell like something other than what they are. This strategy, used to sell products that promise to mask your natural scent or unique flavor, contributes to feelings of shame or insecurity about our naturally-existing bodies. Practicing general hygiene, like taking regular showers, wiping after using the bathroom, and wearing proper-fitting, breathable, clean underwear should ensure that your unique taste is natural. If your partner(s) makes comments about not liking your taste or uses it as an excuse to not give oral sex, a conversation might be in order. Together, with open communication, you can hopefully come up with creative and mutually-pleasing solutions.

It is also important to note that engaging in oral sex comes with risk for sexually transmitted infections (STI), like gonorrhea, chlamydia, syphilis, herpes, etc. To reduce risk, use a dental dam — a sheet of latex or polyurethane placed over the anus or vulva — to prevent skin-to-skin contact during cunnilingus or anilingus, or an external condom during fellatio. Condoms, dental dams, and water-based lube can come in different flavors, which can make things more exciting —chocolate mint, anyone? — and cover the taste of latex while simultaneously reducing risks. Many STIs are asymptomatic, meaning you can spread an STI without knowing it, so the best option is for you to use barrier methods, and/or get screened for STIs with your partner(s) and s hare your results with one another. You can do self-directed STI testing through UHS, since you are asymptomatic, or you can make an appointment with Sexual Health and Wellness at UHS through your MyUHS online portal.

Ultimately, personal preferences and sexual experiences can vary widely. Open and honest communication with your partner, respect for each other’s boundaries, and consent in all activities are most important. If your partner notices a change and brings it up in a considerate manner, it’s an opportunity to have a conversation about your well-being. However, if you find yourself in a situation where your partner constantly makes disparaging comments or uses this as an excuse to avoid certain activities, it’s important to prioritize your own self-respect and comfort. Partners should approach these topics with empathy and respect for each other. 

Warm regards,
The Sexpert

Information obtained from Healthline, National Library of Medicine, Men’s Health, University Health Services, and Mayo Clinic.

Dating, Personal Health & Hygiene, Relationships

Distant Date: Maintaining your mental health and sex life

Dear Sexpert,

I have a history of struggling with my mental health, namely depression. I recently changed my medication and have been feeling different ever since. The biggest problem is I’ve felt really disconnected from my partner, and I’m never in the mood to have sex. I don’t want my partner to think I’m not attracted to them anymore, but I’m not sure how to fix this. 

Best,
Distant Date

Dear Distant Date,

What you’re feeling is completely valid! Many factors such as depression, anxiety, stress, and exhaustion can affect your sex drive and emotional availability in a relationship. These factors can overwhelm your emotions, making you unmotivated to participate in sexual activity or any other emotional connections, which is separate from your attraction to your partner. If you are taking medication to treat your depression, there are side effects that can also affect how you develop relationships with other people. Note that it might take some time to get used to these effects. 

Both depression itself and many antidepressant treatments are known to cause low libido and lack of sexual motivation, so it might be hard to know which one is the cause in your situation. According to the Cleveland Clinic, there are many different ways depression can impact sexual dysfunction including low self-esteem, inability to experience pleasure (e.g., limited arousal, inability to orgasm), low energy levels, loss of interest in activities, and mood swings. So, if you are facing any of these symptoms, just know that this is due to the many chemical processes taking place in your body!

When someone is experiencing depression, oxytocin levels in the brain decrease. Oxytocin is an important chemical that regulates sex drive and desire, which explains how depression can affect libido. Oxytocin is also considered the bonding chemical, which increases a sense of trust and connection, particularly through touch; low oxytocin levels due to depression might explain your feeling of disconnection from your partner. Stress can also be a huge factor in low libido! According to VHC Health, chronic stress, or chronic high levels of cortisol, can suppress sex hormones and cause a low sex drive. All of these factors are also mentally-taxing and can cause extreme fatigue and low energy, which will also impact sex drive. Chances are that the more stressed out you are about all this, the less “in the mood” you’ll feel.

Antidepressant medication can also help ease depression through spiking levels of serotonin in your body. However, this spike in serotonin can make it difficult for your brain to communicate with your body and can decrease sex drive. Despite these effects, it is important not to just stop taking your medication, but to instead explore other solutions. Sometimes there is an adjustment period and side effects lessen over time. Some antidepressant medications focus on chemicals other than serotonin in your brain, such as dopamine or norepinephrine, and usually have fewer sexual side effects. It is also possible that a combination of medications could offset some of the side effects, without reducing the effectiveness of your antidepressant. Therefore, it may be helpful to discuss these options with your prescribing provider, or connect with a psychiatrist at McCosh Health Center’s Counseling and Psychological Services (CPS) to discuss possible changes in medication or discuss next steps in prioritizing your mental health.

In the meantime, it’s important to communicate what you’ve been feeling and struggling with to your partner. There can be a stigma associated with mental illness, which may impact when and how people disclose their mental health challenges to others. Your partner may not know about the common sexual side effects of depression, anxiety, and stress, so educating and sharing your experience with them allows them to better understand how you are feeling. Begin a conversation and try to communicate what you are comfortable with regarding intimacy in the relationship at the moment. Plan a time where you can sit down and have this discussion with your partner in a comfortable, relaxed environment, so you both can plan out boundaries and next steps. 

If you’re having trouble beginning this conversation or knowing what to do next, you can always schedule a Wellness Chat with a Peer Health Adviser to navigate options. It’s important to remember that it’s not your fault and that this can be remedied with open communication and by consulting with healthcare providers to find solutions that support your mental health, while minimizing these unwanted side effects.

Sincerely,
The Sexpert

Information for this article provided by Harvard Health, Cleveland Clinic, and VHC Health.

Masturbation, Personal Health & Hygiene, Sex Toys

Excited Experimenter: Local Sex Shops

Dear Sexpert,

With exams coming up, I was reading about the benefits of sexual pleasure for stress relief. I am interested in getting an “accessory” to help me but am overwhelmed by all of the options out there. Are there any good sex shops near campus? It could really help to be able to narrow down what I am looking for.

– Excited Experimenter

Dear Excited Experimenter,

I am so glad your search included sexual pleasure as a stress relief strategy — it can be a great tool to add to your toolbox, if it works for you! Sexual pleasure, through solo or partnered activities, releases endorphins, dopamine, and oxytocin, and it can reduce cortisol levels to get you feeling good and less stressed, on top of other benefits. While you do not need anything other than yourself to experience pleasure, sometimes toys, oils/lotions, or erotica can help things along.   

Finding decent sex shops can be a daunting task, especially if you aren’t familiar with places beyond campus. To alleviate the discomfort and pressure of exploring individually, below is a compiled list of sex shops around Princeton. It can help to explore factors such as the distance from campus to the store, pricing, the types of products the store sells, etc. to determine which one might be the best fit for you. Some of the stores may not be adult stores, but all sell items related to sexual wellness. One benefit of a store that is more specifically geared towards sexual wellness is they often have knowledgeable staff who can answer your questions and find products to help meet your needs.

  • Lace Silhouettes Lingerie
    • Address: 51 Palmer Square W, Princeton, NJ 08542
    • Distance from campus: 0.3 miles
  • Anthropologie
    • Address: 3535 US-1, Princeton, NJ 08540
      • Distance from campus: 3.8 miles
  • Spencer’s in Quaker Bridge Mall
    • Address: 3320 US-1, Lawrenceville, NJ 08648
    • Distance from campus: 4.6 miles
  • Love Stuff and More
    • Address: 1030 NJ-33, Hamilton Township, NJ 08690
    • Distance from campus: 11.8 miles

Although in-person stores are a great option, you may prefer online stores. Many folks use online stores over brick and mortar stores for a variety of reasons, including privacy, more time to do research on a product, or a wider range of items to choose from. You can order from stores such as Walmart or Amazon and get your item delivered through Frist Campus Center in discreet packaging. Prior to buying the items, it will be helpful to explore the types of products that might best suit you and/or your partner(s). Some additional online stores to purchase items related to sexual wellness include: Babeland, LoveHoney, We-Vibe, Lelo, and PinkCherry.

I hope these resources helped to ease any anxiety or stress surrounding purchasing items for your sexual pleasure. Be sure to read up on how to take care of your new accessory — e.g., proper cleaning, type of lube to use, storage, etc. — based on its materials. 

If you have further questions or concerns, feel free to reach out to contact any of the Peer Health Advisers.

Sincerely,

The Sexpert

Information for this article was obtained from Scarleteen, Planned Parenthood and the International Academy of Sex Research.

Personal Health & Hygiene

what you should know about menstrual cups

I saw an email about groups on campus giving out free menstrual cups, and I was curious about trying one out. I like the idea of having a more sustainable option compared to tampons or pads, but I’m worried about it being messy or uncomfortable to insert or remove. I was also thinking about getting an IUD soon and was wondering if the menstrual cup would interfere with it. 

– Curious about Cups

Dear Curious about Cups,

Menstrual cups are a great alternative to pads and tampons and definitely worth trying out if you think they might be right for you! Not only are they more sustainable, but they can also be a super cost-effective option compared to pads and tampons. If you take advantage of the campus initiative, your cup will be free and could last you up to five years with proper cleaning and care! If you buy one later, it will cost anywhere from $6–40 depending on the brand that you chose, meaning you’re still spending less than you would on tampons or pads over several years. 

Lots of brands make menstrual cups, and they are typically bell-shaped and made of flexible, medical-grade silicone. Unlike pads and tampons, the cups do not absorb blood but simply collect it. This means it will need to be emptied about every 6–12 hours, depending on how heavy your flow is. If you are interested in tracking your menstrual fluid volume for personal or medical reasons, menstrual cups are a great choice. For many people, menstrual cups can be changed less often than pads or tampons, making them a convenient option! Furthermore, compared to tampons, menstrual cups also have the advantage of reducing period odors.

To insert your cup, you will need to fold it. There are many options for how to do this and lots of online tutorials showing different folding styles. If you are nervous, you can watch videos and/or practice folding your cup before you go to insert it. Don’t be afraid to try a couple of different shapes to find the one that works best for you! Once inserted, simply twist the cup using the stem at the bottom to create an airtight seal against the vaginal canal. If inserted properly, you shouldn’t feel the cup, and it shouldn’t leak. If you experience any discomfort, calmly remove the cup and try again. You can also use lubricant or water on the rim of the cup for easier insertion.

If you are still concerned about the insertion of your cup, you can explore different menstrual cup sizes. The size you choose may be dependent on your age, your anatomy, and whether you have given birth vaginally. Many companies sell small, medium, and large cup sizes and will have specific information to guide you in selecting the appropriate size for you! The size you select may also impact how frequently you have to change the cup. 

Mess when removing the cup is definitely a common concern and worth considering if you choose to use a menstrual cup. To remove the cup, simply pull the stem down slightly so that you can squeeze the bottom of the cup to break the seal. This is crucial for an easy and painless removal. Pull down to remove the cup and empty it into the sink or toilet. 

Ideally, you should wash the cup with gentle soap and warm water after each use. If you are in a shared or public restroom, this can be a challenge. Many companies sell wipes that can be used to clean the cups inside of the stall. If you are in a pinch, you can wipe the cup out with toilet paper and reinsert, but try to avoid doing this after more than one use and wash thoroughly afterward. 

Luckily, because they can be changed less often, you may be able to avoid changing them during the day. If you want privacy, change your cup and wash it with you in the shower! Obviously, menstrual cups are not ideal for everyone, and if doing this would make you uncomfortable, it might be worth sticking to other options. 

If you do decide to get an intrauterine device (IUD) as contraception, you probably shouldn’t use a menstrual cup. The suction of the cup creates an increased risk of dislodging or removing your IUD. However, if you still want to use a menstrual cup with an IUD, you could potentially lower your risk of IUD dislodgement by going to your healthcare provider and having your IUD strings shortened. Furthermore, it is important that you are careful when removing the cup and always break the seal before pulling it out. 

If you have any further questions or specific concerns about menstrual cups, Sexual Health and Wellness providers at University Health Services are there to help and can provide you with specific advice. You can make an appointment by calling (609) 258-3141. 

– The Sexpert

Sources:

https://www.webmd.com/sex/birth-control/features/menstrual-cup-iud

https://putacupinit.com/

https://newsnetwork.mayoclinic.org/discussion/menstrual-cups-vs-tampons-things-you-might-not-know-about-the-cup/

https://store.lunette.com/blogs/news/how-to-clean-menstrual-cup-in-public-toilet

https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/health-and-wellness/menstruation/how-do-i-use-tampons-pads-and-menstrual-cups

https://beyouonline.co.uk/blogs/news/how-do-you-fold-a-beyou-menstrual-cup

Personal Health & Hygiene, Sex Positivity

global trotter: Sexual health care abroad

Dear Sexpert,

I want to go abroad this summer but I am concerned about receiving sexual health care abroad in a more conservative country. I am also gay going to a country where gay relationships are generally not accepted. What should I do?

-Global Trotter

Dear Global Trotter,

Whenever travelling abroad for internships or vacation, you should always consider your health and safety. It is important to have a plan in place in the event that you become ill or injured while traveling. It’s great that you are learning more about how to keep yourself healthy and safe before traveling.

Sexual health resources vary between countries and if you require sexual health care while abroad or if you expect that you will need specific sexual health services while abroad, it can be useful to know what resources are available in the country that you will be traveling to before deciding to go there. If you travel with a University-sponsored trip such as for an internship through the International Internship Program, the Streicker Fund, the Global Health Program, or the Princeton Environmental Institute, or for thesis research funded through University sources, you are automatically enrolled in International SOS, which is an international emergency medical assistance and insurance service. International SOS will be able to connect you to accredited, English-speaking doctors in the country and will often be able to connect you to LGBTQ+ healthcare allies at your request. Before traveling, consult with representatives at ISOS either by phone or email to inquire about the medical resources available and if you should be concerned about any security risks. They will be able to let you know if they recommend that you travel. If you find yourself needing medical attention abroad, you should contact International SOS for assistance regardless if it is a general medical concern or a sexual health concern.

If you are planning to travel internationally to places other than Western Europe and Australia, it is recommended that you make a Travel Health appointment with University Health Services 4-6 weeks prior to international travel to learn about country-specific risks and precautions and how to stay healthy while traveling. During this appointment, you may also ask your medical provider questions related to sexual health concerns or services while abroad. If you take medication such as birth control or PrEP, let your provider know so they can guide you through the steps needed to acquire enough drug for the duration of your trip.

As a member of the LGBTQ+ community, it is important to also consider the social climate, local laws, and norms around sexual orientation and gender identity within the country that you wish to travel to. Before your trip, advisers at the Office of International Programs (OIP) can discuss options with you. OIP’s website also resources to help you navigate identity in other countries, including a geographic map of sexual orientation protection and criminalization laws by country. You can also email the LGBT Center (lgbt@princeton.edu) to discuss some pre-departure safety considerations or to get in contact with other LGBTQ+ identified students, who have studied abroad in your host country, to learn from their experiences.

Different cultures may also perceive gender identity or sexual orientation differently. For example, while you might be more easily seen as “gay” at home, locals in your host country might read you as straight. Additionally, you may have to decide whether and/or how to “come out” to your new social circles while abroad. Or how to safely find community with other LGBTQ+ folks in your host country.

If on University travel, you are subject to the host country’s laws, as University travel policy states that the University will not provide any legal services to students arrested while traveling abroad. In some countries, being gay is considered illegal and a punishable crime. In other countries, being gay is legal but not as socially accepted (i.e., may be met with hostility). You may be able to travel to extremely conservative societies by “hiding” your sexuality but it is important to consider the emotional toll of doing this. If you are concerned about this, reach out to Counseling & Psychological Services at McCosh Health Center to discuss your concerns, and to talk through support options while abroad.

Remember, there are a ton of campus and online resources to support you in navigating this decision. Consulting with International SOS, University Health Services, Office of International Programs or your specific program, or the LGBT Center should be able to help you make an informed decision about where to travel and how to maintain your health and safety.

Safe travels,

The Sexpert

Here are some additional resources:

U.S. State Department LGBTI traveler information: https://travel.state.gov/content/travel/en/international-travel/before-you-go/travelers-with-special-considerations/lgbti.html

https://www.gooverseas.com/blog/lgbtq-study-abroad-safety-issues

The International Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Trans and Intersex Association (IGLA World) – https://ilga.org/maps-sexual-orientation-laws

https://case.edu/lgbt/sites/case.edu.lgbt/files/2018-04/lgbt-study-abroad-guide.pdf

Information for this article provided by Global ProgramSystem – Princeton University, LGBT Center, Office of International Programs and University-Sponsored International Travel regulations.

Personal Health & Hygiene, Sex Positivity

Campus sexplorer: is it okay to have sex in public spaces?

Hi Sexpert,

My partner and I have made a bucket list of places to have sex before we graduate. We were thinking of places like Frick, Frist, and Firestone. Do you have any tips for us?

-Campus Sexplorer

Dear Campus Sexplorer,

Thank you so much for your question. People have different preferences in regards to where they choose to have sex. While some may prefer having sex in a private place (or a traditional space like a bedroom), some may prefer having sex in a more public place (and are even aroused by the excitement of potentially getting caught). Others are open to all options. Wherever you choose to have sex is up to you but there are several things to take into consideration when selecting a location. First, it is important to take into consideration the attitudes of other people. While you may enjoy having sex in Frick, students, staff, and visitors do not necessarily want to be involved or witness your sexual act.

From a legal standpoint, it is also important to keep in mind that it is illegal to have intercourse or sexual activity such as oral sex in public places (N.J.R.S. 2C:14-4). If caught, you could be charged with a misdemeanor which if found guilty may remain on your permanent record and you may be placed on the sex offender registry. Even if you have sex in a car in a secluded place at night, that is still considered public sex in almost all jurisdictions. Although sex in a public restroom stall with the door closed is out of public view, most state decency laws prohibit sex in public restrooms. Dancing or grinding on each other is not considered a violation of the law but oral and manual (handjobs) copulation is considered sex and you can be charged with public indecency even if the genitalia is not visible. Having sex in a public place at Princeton is also considered a violation of Rights, Rules, and Responsibilities and you may face additional disciplinary action by the university if caught (RRR 1.3.3 “Sexual Misconduct”).

While we do not condone illegal behavior, if you choose to engage in sex acts in more public places, consider times when it might be less populated, like late at night or early in the morning. Or look for places where you can lock the door. This way you are less likely to get caught, or to be inconsiderate to the people around you.

It is completely understandable if you are aroused by the danger aspect of public sex. If that’s the thrill you’re looking for, you could try having sex in your room with the blinds open, as a safer way to experiment with exhibitionism without getting caught. You can also fantasize aloud with your partner about what you want to do in public to get your engines revved up, but then take it to a private place to play it out.

Ultimately, when deciding a place to have sex always remember to remain respectful of your community members and ensure both you and your partner feel comfortable, consent to all activities, and practice safer sex.

Best,

The Sexpert

Information for this article provided by NJ State Legislature, Princeton University’s Rights Rules and Responsibilities, and Criminal Defense Lawyer.com

Personal Health & Hygiene, The Sexpert's Top Picks

Sexpert topic round-up: seeing healthcare providers over the holidays

Hi Readers,

Heading home for the holidays can be a great time to schedule an appointment with your healthcare provider(s). Check out previously posted articles about different health-related screenings, switching birth control, and starting PrEP. We hope this is a friendly reminder to talk to your healthcare provider(s) about any health-related concerns you may have and about preventative care options.

Paranoid about Prevention: When should I start getting screenings?
Concerned (Birth) Controller: Is it better to get an IUD?
What is PrEP?: The Preventative HIV Drug

-The Sexpert

Masturbation, Personal Health & Hygiene, Pregnancy

Risky Business: Consuming Ejaculation

Dear Sexpert,

I hang around in the evening with friends and we sometimes have some beer. We were hanging recently and we all got a McDonald’s. I was with three guys and we were fooling about and they ejaculated into a shake and got me to drink it. I was like Eew at first but when I started drinking it I quite liked that they were all focused on watching me and the attention I got. I couldn’t taste their stuff and it was fine. Is this risky? I’m guessing they may want to try it again soon.

 -Risky Business

Dear Risky Business,

Let me start out by saying there’s no single definition as to what “risky” sexual behavior is. For example, risk can refer to the likelihood of getting pregnant or contracting a sexually transmitted infection (STI), your personal safety during an encounter, your comfort level and how close the encounter came to any personal boundaries you may have, or to potential social or interpersonal impacts of a sexual encounter. Additionally, some sexual activities can be legally risky or illegal. While legality, and the risk of getting pregnant or contracting an STI can be somewhat objectively interpreted (through the known effectiveness of different types of contraception and knowledge of your partners’ and your own sexual history and STI test results), your comfort and safety regarding a sexual encounter have to be interpreted through your own feelings. Let’s address each aspect of risk of your encounter in turn, but remember that many of the aspects solely rely on what you want to do sexually, and what you consent to.

First, you cannot become pregnant through drinking ejaculate (or through oral sex, for that matter). However, you can still contract STIs through contact with bodily fluids (i.e., blood, semen, vaginal fluid). Many of the most commonly spread STIs, including gonorrhea, chlamydia, and herpes, can be spread through oral contact with ejaculate. Without knowing the STI statuses of your friends, you were potentially incurring risk for STI transmission. Engaging in oral play is safer with use of barrier methods (e.g., condoms) and/or confirming negative STI status of partners involved.

Consent by all parties, and trust that your partner(s) will abide by the limits of your consent, is crucial for any sexual encounter. Consent must be affirmative (“yes, I want to do this with you”), specific (“I want to do ___ with you, but not ___”), ongoing (“I am still okay with what we’re doing”), and uncoerced. If someone pressures you to do something until you give in, that is not consent freely given. Additionally, if someone is incapacitated (due to drugs, alcohol, or mental or physical incapacitation), they cannot give consent. By your description of the encounter, it is unclear whether you fully consented to the activity, or may have felt pressured into it. You said that you were initially uncomfortable with it and it also sounds like you had not discussed ahead of time what you were going to do, and what you were comfortable with. If this is the case, it could suggest that future encounters with these friends are risky in the sense that they may again not listen to and respect your wishes. I encourage you to reflect upon how much you trust them, and whether you are comfortable with what happened and/or feel confident that you can be honest with them in the future about your boundaries.

Legality also factors into the risk of this experience. From your question, it sounds like you may still have been near the McDonald’s and in public when this occurred. In many states, including New Jersey, public sex acts are considered misdemeanors, and depending on the state and manner of the offense, they can count as sex crimes. It’s legally risky to have any kind of sexual encounter, including exposing one’s genitals, in public (N.J.R.S. 2C:14-4). As well, if you were drinking beer in public, this violates restrictions on public consumption of alcohol, and also underage drinking laws if you or any of your friends are under 21. If you were in a car at the time, it is also illegal to have an open container in a motor vehicle, and it is dangerous (and depending on age and level of impairment, possibly illegal) for anyone to drive after consuming alcohol. Finally, keep in mind that consent requires full competence; people who have been drinking to the point of incapacitation cannot consent.

Finally, it’s important for you to think about what exactly about your encounter you liked, and whether you want to repeat it. It sounds like you may have liked the way your encounter made you feel (paid attention to) more than you liked the encounter itself. If this is the case, consider whether you were actually happy and comfortable with what you did, or whether you were only comfortable with it because it had an emotional pay off. Doing things you’re not comfortable with sexually for an emotional payoff may leave you feeling cheated if you do the act and don’t get the reward. Don’t be afraid to consider other things that may make you feel the same way, like planning an event for your friends or finding another outlet for social exploration.

There is no sexual activity that is ultimately “good” or “bad”, but each has varying risks associated with it. In the case you described, there are many possible risks: contracting an STI, engaging in illegal acts, and/or of having your consent or boundaries violated. However, all of these can be prevented or addressed with some forethought. Consider the questions posed in this article, and if you still want to talk to someone about your sexual health, your feelings surrounding sex, or your thoughts on your emotional and physical needs, you can make an appointment with a counselor at Counseling & Psychological Services (CPS). McCosh Health Center also has STI testing, or can refer you to an outside testing facility for any of your friends that may not be students.

Best wishes,

The Sexpert

Information for this article provided by UK’s National Health Service and NJ State Legislature.

Personal Health & Hygiene, Sex Positivity

Dry and Dissatisfied: Vaginal Lubrication

Dear Sexpert,

Hi, I don’t get much lubrication in my vagina when I’m having sex, is there any food or drink to help get wetter?

Best,

Dry and Dissatisfied

Dear Dry and Dissatisfied,

Thank you for reaching out to the Sexpert with your question!  Many people with vaginas struggle with lubrication during sexual activities.  First, a quick anatomy lesson: vaginal walls are hydrated by a thin layer of clear, odorless fluid.  The hormone that regulates this fluid is estrogen.  Estrogen influences lubrication of the vagina by influencing the pH of the vagina and vaginal secretions.  Without adequate moisture, vaginal tissues become fragile and irritated, and may even tear.  Beyond causing discomfort in everyday life, dryness can lead to painful sexual intercourse for many people with vaginas.

There are many reasons, ranging from physiological to emotional, why your vagina may be less lubricated when taking part in sexual activities.  For one, decreased moisture may be tied to a decline in estrogen levels as a result of menopause, breastfeeding, or taking oral contraceptives (i.e., birth control pill).  In addition, a variety of oral medications, from antihistamines (allergy season, anyone?) and decongestants to antidepressants, have been shown to decrease vaginal secretions.  Alcohol or other drug use (such as marijuana), in addition to impacting ability to consent, may also dehydrate you and increase vaginal dryness. Douching, or using a solution intended to “clean” the vagina can interfere with your natural pH and may increase dryness, as well. Emotional factors such as feeling stressed or distracted may also decrease natural lubrication by making it difficult to become aroused.

Perhaps the easiest issue to remedy is short duration of foreplay.  Since vaginal moisture is tied to arousal, you may find that lubrication improves when more time is spent focused on arousal before any penetration. This might involve stimulation of parts of the body other than the vagina, such as the breasts, neck, or other erogenous zones. Even simulation of your mind, such as exploring fantasies or watching porn, can increase arousal.

That being said, there are effective interventions for women struggling with painful sex as a result of vaginal dryness.  You may consider buying over-the-counter lubricants to provide additional lubrication.  However, make sure you purchase water-based or silicone-based lube (not oil-based) if using a latex condom to prevent the material from breaking down.  Do not use silicone-based lube on silicone toys, which can also cause material break-down. When it doubt, water-based lube works safely with most materials. It does, however, tend to dry up quicker when exposed to air, so make sure to have plenty on hand and add more as needed! In addition to over-the-counter lubricants, some healthcare providers might recommend taking supplemental estrogen to provide a more permanent solution to vaginal dryness.  A variety of estrogen products are available by prescription; you may be prescribed a vaginal estrogen ring, a vaginal estrogen tablet, or a vaginal estrogen cream. Consult with your provider if you find the other, non-prescription remedies insufficient.

In addition to over-the-counter lube or prescribed medication, some studies have found that certain food or drink has the ability to enhance vaginal lubrication.  Perhaps the easiest dietary solution to promote lubrication would be to drink more water!  Dehydration undoubtedly will lead to a dryer vagina.  In addition to water, other food and drink have been shown to enhance lubrication.  For example, the phytoestrogens in unprocessed soy products have been shown to enhance vaginal moisture.  In addition to soy, avocados, apples and flaxseeds have been shown to prevent dryness.

If vaginal dryness persists, you may want to make an appointment with a University Health Services’ clinician at McCosh Health Center by phone (609-258-3141) or online at MyUHS.  In some cases, a discussion of your health history and a physical examination may be useful in determining the cause of, and most effective methods to treat, vaginal dryness.

Information for this article provided by Bedsider and Cleveland Clinic.

Personal Health & Hygiene

Is it Time to see a Gynecologist?

Dear Sexpert,

I’ve been looking into taking better care of my sexual health lately. My friend mentioned that she went to see her gynecologist recently, and I was wondering when I should start seeing a gynecologist?

Sincerely,

Gynecologically Inspired

Dear Gynecologically Inspired,

Thank you for your question! In short, it really depends on your unique needs and medical history. Gynecologists are excellent resources for in-depth and specialized knowledge and care for individuals with any of these reproductive organs: vagina, cervix, uterus, fallopian tubes and ovaries. They provide services such as breast and pelvic exams to look for any abnormal growths, a Pap test (which checks for abnormal cell growth on the cervix), tests for sexually transmitted infections (STIs), and can provide advice about contraceptives and prescriptions for birth control*.

The current recommendation from the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (ACOG) is that patients see a gynecologist as early as 13 years old. This helps to address concerns or questions related to the menstrual cycle, hygiene, contraception, etc. and establish a comfortable relationship. A preventative annual visit is recommended (and covered by many insurance plans) for established patients for visual breast exam and external pelvic examination. It is during this time that the patient can ask questions, discuss concerns or get prescriptions for birth control methods. For more information about the preventative screenings that might be conducted during a visit, check out one of our older articles.

It is not until age 21 that getting a Pap test regularly is recommended, regardless of sexual history. So, if you are not already going annually, this might be a good age to start seeing a gynecologist. How frequently you get a Pap test from there is dependent on your age, medical history and previous test results. For example, generally healthy 21-29 year olds, may only need a Pap test every 3 years.  Your healthcare provider can tell you what is appropriate for you.

However, if you are sexually active, it might be a good idea to start seeing a gynecologist earlier than 21 so you can be prepared and well-informed about your sexual health and ways to lower your health risks. Anything that seems to be out of the ordinary is also reason to see a gynecologist – for example, discovering a lump in your breast, pain during sex, painful or debilitating menstrual cycles, or any sign of infection in your genital region.

On campus, seeing a gynecologist might not be an option, but the same services provided by most gynecologists can be found at University Health Services! The list of services and instructions for scheduling an appointment can be found on the UHS website. The Sexual Health and Wellness services at UHS caters to all patients, and unlike many gynecologists also has specialists in LGBTQ+ health. They can perform annual exams, Pap test, STI screens, provide birth control prescription and counseling, and investigate any additional health concerns.

As always with health concerns, it is better to be safe and have your questions answered and concerns addressed, and UHS health care professionals are here for that reason!

Sincerely,

The Sexpert

*Note: Pap tests and other examinations can be done by practitioners with other credentials, including nurse practitioners.

Information for this article came from the Mayo Clinic Website (https://mayoclinichealthsystem.org/hometown-health/speaking-of-health/when-should-a-female-start-seeing-a-gynecologist) and the UHS Website (https://uhs.princeton.edu/medical-services/sexual-health-and-wellness). Planned Parenthood https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/cancer/cervical-cancer/whats-pap-test

https://thesexpert.princeton.edu/2017/10/happy-pappy-what-does-a-pap-smear-involve/

 

Personal Health & Hygiene

Lookin’ Hairy: Dealing With Body Hair

Dear Sexpert,

I’ve heard a lot about “manscaping.” What is this and should I be doing it? 

– Lookin’ Hairy

Hi Lookin’ Hairy,

Thank you for your question! Manscaping refers to men-identified folks waxing, shaving, or trimming body hair..  While women were traditionally those to whom services or products to trim or remove their unwanted hair were geared, today people of all sexes have moved towards managing their unwanted hair, thus the emergence of the term “manscaping”. This term encompasses altering of the hair anywhere from eyebrows and ears, to chest and back, to the pubic region. According to a 2014 survey, 39% of men aged 18 and older report “manscaping” and 2017 study reported that 50.5% of men report grooming “down there” regularly.

It is important to note that by no means should you feel forced to alter your body hair – whether implicitly by advertisements or magazine articles, or explicitly by a partner or someone else’s demand. Body hair is a natural occurrence and plenty of people leave it to do its thing. But if you do want to shape, trim or remove it, there are many methods to choose from depending on your preference.

Waxing pulls the hair out from the follicle and slows the reemergence of the hair. Over time, waxing can also permanently make your hair thinner and less noticeable. Experts recommend that you go to a certified, reputable, and clean waxing salon to wax your hair to prevent infection and injury. You can also use at-home waxing kits which are cheaper but also carry more risk of user error. Be sure to read and follow all of the directions that accompany your waxing kit. Some considerations if you are thinking of waxing your pubic hair: some professional salons require parental consent for people under 16 years old. If waxing at home, be extremely careful around your genital area, so as to avoid burns or tears of the skin.

 

You can also choose to shave but be sure to use shaving cream or gel and a sharp razor to prevent cuts and irritation, and shave in the direction of the hair growth. Shaving leaves the follicle of the hair in the skin which means that the hair will grow back faster than waxing and may seem darker and thicker due to the blunt end caused by the razor (the hair is not actually thicker). If the hair is long, trimming beforehand to about 1/4 – 1/16 inch length can make shaving easier. For some people shaving is not ideal as it will sometimes irritate the skin, cause razor bumps, and put you at a higher chance of having ingrown hairs (where hairs grow into the skin instead of out of the skin). Both shaving and waxing will sometimes result in a couple days of itching a few days after removing hair as the hair begins to grow back. When shaving pubic hair, pull skin taught and shave with light, gentle strokes. Using a portable mirror can help to see what you’re doing.

 

If you wish to just trim your hair but not completely remove it, you can use scissors or invest in an electric trimmer. Both will allow you to control how much hair to remove. When using scissors, make sure they are clean (wipe them down with rubbing alcohol beforehand) and you don’t cut too close to the skin. For electric razors, there are all kinds of attachments that help trim ear and nose hair, or select the length of hair that remains. If trimming your pubic region, take care not to trim too close to the genitals.

Lastly, you can also choose to use a depilatory creams, such as Nair, to chemically remove hair. These chemicals loosen hair from the follicle. These creams can cause allergic reactions or breakouts. If you choose to use this method for pubic hair, make sure you use products formulated specifically for sensitive areas. Using creams is the most dangerous way to remove pubic hair due to the risk of chemical burns or severe skin irritation. Be sure to read and follow all directions accompanying the cream if you decide to use this method.

After-care also matters! Use a gentle astringent like witch hazel or alcohol-free aloe vera gel on the area. If you do experience any minor cuts, wash thoroughly with soap and warm water and hold pressure with a damp piece of paper towel or toilet paper to clot for 10-15 minutes. Cuts that bleed for longer might require medical attention. For any more injuries or infections, do not hesitate to contact a health provider, even with just questions.

With trimming and maintaining pubic hair becoming more mainstream, your options have grown drastically!  Remember to do and proceed with what you are comfortable and feel free to explore! The good news with all of these methods is that if you get a “bad haircut”, it’ll grow back.

Best,

The Sexpert

 

Sources:

American Journal of Men’s Health

Go Ask Alice! Columbia

Multisponsor survey

 

Personal Health & Hygiene

Waxed and Annoyed

Dear Sexpert,

About 5-6 months ago, I got a full Brazilian wax for the first time, but I wish I wouldn’t have because I didn’t know what I was getting myself into. I was told afterwards that I had to buy and continue using their ingrown hair serum (which is really expensive) and then I found out that you’re supposed to wax every 4-6 weeks but that is really expensive for me to do. Now, I haven’t done anything since then but my hairs have grown back and I’m very uncomfortable with it. Should I let them grow out longer or should I try to remove them on my own?

Sincerely,

Waxed and Annoyed

Dear Waxed and Annoyed,

Ouch! Waxing is a great hair removal option for some, but it seems that your skin may be too sensitive to continue waxing. Totally fine! You have many options for personal grooming –all of which vary in cost, frequency of maintenance, and potential discomfort– if you’re looking to trim things up down there.

If you’re done with waxing, shaving could be a good, relatively inexpensive option if you want to fully remove all hair. Before shaving, make sure to trim as much hair as possible and soak the region for at least five minutes either in a tub or in the shower to soften the hair and skin. Use a hand mirror, sharp razor, and gentle, fragrance-free shaving cream, and shave in the direction that the hair grows. Shaving is gentler on the skin than waxing, and usually applying baby oil or aloe vera before and after shaving is enough to prevent ingrown hairs. However, shaving can be time consuming, inconvenient, and for those with very sensitive skin or if it is not done properly it can definitely cause irritation and ingrown hairs.

Hair removal creams or ‘depilatories’ can also achieve the same effect as waxing, but not all creams are safe for use on the vulva. If you do try this method, make sure that the cream you buy is safe for use on the vulva or bikini line, and carefully follow the instruction in order to prevent irritation. Given the sensitivity of your skin, it is recommended that you try the cream on a small area to “test” how your skin reacts before applying all over. If you notice any burning, pain, or swelling, the product might be too irritating for you.

An easier option that is likely not to cause any irritation but also does not fully remove hair is to use a trimmer. These tools are essentially beard trimmers or electric powered razors but for pubic hair. They trim the hair down to a preferred level without touching the base or root of the hair, preventing irritation and ingrown hairs. Higher-end models can be adjusted to cut at a certain length or have various attachments to assist in grooming. Usually these trimmers are made specifically for pubic hair and can be bought online or in a drug store.

In the meantime, if you are seeing any irritation, there are several inexpensive methods to relieve any pain or itching. Soaking/showering with warm water and keeping the area clean, dry, and moisturized are good places to start. Make sure you use very gentle products — specifically those without any fragrance– on the inflamed area.

If you notice any sign of infection, like red bumps or white-headed pimples around the hair follicle, you can apply a thin layer of over-the-counter antibiotic ointment to the area. If you experience any itching, you can do the same with hydrocortisone cream. You should also take a break from hair removal while the skin heals. Finally, as always, if the condition persists or is becoming extremely uncomfortable, make sure to see a health care provider to ensure that the condition does not worsen.

Overall, you have many options for pubic hair care, but you get to choose what works best for you and what makes you feel most comfortable!

Sincerely,

The Sexpert

Source information from https://youngwomenshealth.org/2013/08/22/removing-pubic-hair/

Personal Health & Hygiene, Sex Positivity

Mr. Measuring Stick: Does Size Matter?

Dear Sexpert,

I’ve only recently started watching porn online, and I’ve seen countless advertisements about “guaranteed” ways to make my penis bigger. Also, the guys in the videos are usually longer than I am. I never really questioned my size before watching porn, and I’m starting to feel as if I won’t be able to please my partner if I don’t do something about my penis size. So I’m wondering: does size really matter?   

Thanks in advance,

Mr. Measuring Stick

Dear Mr. Measuring Stick,

Ah…the age old question that has dumbfounded people for decades — “does size matter?” Well, the answer isn’t as clear cut as yes or no. And we shouldn’t be surprised by that, since sex is rarely that simple and is very individual.

First, let’s clear the air about all the “10 tricks to make you grow 3 inches in 5 weeks” and other clickbait advertisements that taunt you as you browse porn sites – they’re a scam. Dr. Brian Christine, a urologist with the Urology Centers of Alabama, says: “There’s nothing topical you can put on your penis that will make it grow longer…same goes for pills—it’s a complete waste of money.” You’ll see these products marketed with penis-boosting vitamins, minerals, herbs, or hormones, but no controlled studies have shown they’ll provide any benefit. In fact some products might even produce harmful effects. For example, certain toys like cock rings or devices like penis pumps can increase the size of an erection minimally and temporarily. But using them for an extended period of time or producing great swelling can result in discomfort, bruising and even damage to penile tissue.

In fact, the constant debate over penis size can be traced to a deeper issue that permeates throughout our everyday language and popular media, such as music, TV shows, and movies. Often, the size and length of someone’s penis is linked to how powerful or successful someone is, or size comparisons are used to make others feel “less than”. We always hear that people believe that “bigger is better,” (from candy bars to body parts) and that leads to a horrible cycle of competition, where size-enhancing tips and tricks start to become appealing. But, truth is, your penis size doesn’t determine your sexual performance, or your overall worth. Also, odds are, you’re probably doing alright in the size department. The average penis measures somewhere between 3 and 5 inches when flaccid or not erect, and between 5 and 7 inches when erect.

So what DOES matter? Your confidence! And how you are respectful and attentive with your partner(s). If you’re still a little shy about your little guy, focus more on what you can do with your partner that doesn’t involve a penis. You can practice the craft of foreplay and oral sex, or forms of intimacy that don’t involve sex. There are many ways to please your partner without having a long penis. Size makes no difference at all as long as you and your partner are openly communicating, and happy and comfortable. That said, there are some ways to make your love muscle flex a little harder. If you’re hung up on size, trimming your pubic hair might make your penis appear larger and it may even increase sensitivity around the base of your penis. If you’re into that, be careful to avoid nicks and razor burn, which can increase risk of sexually transmitted infections (STI) transmission or a less-than pleasurable experience for you.

So, Mr. Measuring Stick, do not fear! The porn industry may feed you lies that claim size to be the end all be all of sexual happiness, but there’s so much more to it than a number on a ruler. So don’t be shy, and make the best of what you got!

Information about penis size retrieved from Men’s Journal, Healthline, Mayo Clinic and Zavamed.